Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
