A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
