I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
