my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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