then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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