I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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