I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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