I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My legs feel like baby dolphins
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
