i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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