So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Never underestimate the power of titties
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
