Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize