I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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