Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
