I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
