Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
