Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
