well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
