Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
