So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
