I want to stick my p in your. b.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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