This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
