weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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