I think I won the penis lottery.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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