saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
