i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
