listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
