And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
