batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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