If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
