Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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