He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
