oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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