He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
