Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
