WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
