Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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