I don't think brook has ever known best
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
