I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
