i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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