Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
