ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
