is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...