NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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