i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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