She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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