I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
