I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
