Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
