I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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