I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
