apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
