I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.