you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.