I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.