& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
