he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
