I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
