ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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