I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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