so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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