I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
