I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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