last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
